I’ve spent my life with my body exposed. Yes, you read that correctly. Exposed. Vulnerable. Judged. Stared at. I was in gymnastics since age 5 so I was always in a leotard. That means EVERY little nook and cranny is visible to anyone looking at you! Then I got into bodybuilding during the era of thong leotards and spandex (NO pictures to prove it!). And then the fitness industry for the past 25 years. Again – judgement, vulnerability, body exposed, body image issues. Growing up, I was always bigger than all the other girls. I came from hearty European stock so I was full of muscles! Back then, muscles didn’t matter – jean size mattered and mine were bigger. Things haven’t changed much because a former client whom I’ve not seen in a few years asked “have you lost weight” when she saw me last weekend. She commented that she probably wouldn’t have recognized me on the street if she saw me today. Still judged. Still vulnerable. Resurfacing body image issues. People still comment on weight and appearance.
Being in a leotard or spandex all my life, you can see everything. As insecure girls you saw every imperfection and the most obvious one was cellulite. Guess what? Having cellulite doesn’t mean you’re imperfect. It means you are a human with connective tissue, muscles, and fat! For the longest time I wondered what exactly cellulite was. I have it. I see it. It’s on my butt & thighs! Cellulite is interesting! It’s undoubtedly bias to women, which means it discriminates based on gender. Shame on it! Only 10% of men have cellulite, but 90% of women have it. What exactly is it and why do we have it?
Cellulite is simply our fat cells that poke out of our connective tissue. Seriously, it’s that simple. This poking out (so to speak) gives cellulite the lumpy look, but we all have it! Women’s connective tissue isn’t as tightly knit together as men’s, which is why cellulite is more prominently visible in women. A looser woven band of connective tissue means that our fat cells can poke through easier. Where we get cellulite is totally related to genetics. You can thank your family for that one. HaHa!
Cellulite and weight loss are not totally related, which is contrary to what people believe and media portrays. Regardless of body weight, any body can have cellulite. A person with a higher percentage of body fat has a higher percentage of body fat, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll see more cellulite. If you use resistance and do strength training to build more muscle mass you will decrease the appearance of cellulite, but not necessarily get rid of it. Depressing? NO, it’s encouraging. The human body has layers upon layers of tissues, fat, muscles, etc. These make us who we are. They are not flaws. While cellulite is quickly pointed out on bodies, it’s not the only “tag” of being a human being.
Stretch marks are also visible on the human body. They are merely the scars on the skin when it stretches and then shrinks again. Guess what? Any one who builds huge muscles then loses those muscles will have stretch marks. Just like someone who gains weight then loses it will have stretch marks. A stretched pregnant belly might also get stretch marks! A baby pops out of there and people judge the stretch marks on the mama’s belly. Seriously! Too much emphasis is placed on these outward marks. Marks of what? Being human? Living a life? Changing your body?
At 45 years old I’m in a better place than I was in my early 20’s, but I’m not totally “there” yet. I’m more confident of the woman I am today, without a doubt! I’ve learned to love the bumps and crinkles in my body on most days. However, some people still judge others based on external appearance. I can’t say that when someone comments on the size or the appearance of my body that it doesn’t fuel an insecurity that is laying dormant inside me. It does and sometimes I will judge myself because of someone else’s comment. Fair or not, that is life. BUT (big but), how you handle those people, those energies is up to you. I recommend loving every single part of your body & doing your best to accept it for what it is! IT is a representation of the life you’ve lived. It is not a definition of you or a “rank” of your validity. You are way more valuable than lines or bumps on your body.
Writing this makes me realize that I’ve not been in a bathing suit since I moved back to NY. My apartment in Boston had a pool so I kinda lived at the pool in a bikini all tan & shiny with oil. I don’t really need one in NY because I don’t actually go swimming anywhere and the local creek doesn’t really count. And, I kinda don’t want to get into one if I’m being honest and vulnerable. I have cellulite & stretch marks on my butt & thighs! Do I still judge myself sometimes? Yes. Do I love my body every day? Yes, I focus my thoughts on all the incredible things it can do. Do I love my body every day in all lighting? Not yet. I tell you this because we all judge ourselves too harshly, myself included. We know that we’re more valuable than others say we are. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt or make you doubt yourself when you are judged based on your body. We’re all a work in progress and reminders to love yourself, be patient with yourself, and know your value are important. My reminders: love yourself; love your body; love your butt; love your lumps; be healthy; and get to know who you are independent of your body. I bet you’re going to like that person a whole lot!
Swimsuit update: I now have a swimsuit! My niece helped me pick out a swimsuit, my sister approved, and my nephew could have cared less. Love them all!